Music Union : Live Your Music

Story and Photos by Alexis Hawkins

What Does This Have to Do with Music?

Perhaps nothing. Perhaps everything. More likely nothing. In fact, yes, definitely nothing.

They sent an email out letting us know that they had interviewed over 700 people to at last hire an elite crew of servers, cooks and greeters for the hot new restaurant in the 90210. I was one amongst the lucky 28 bastards they’d hired, except I’m sure that none of the others had quit within the first four days of employment, which was technically still training.

At least it meant that Thursday evening was free and I had found a red carpet event in Hollywood to photograph: the World Music & Dance Awards. Every now and then a good few hours of shouting “over here” and “beautiful” at over-dressed, Tinseltown wannabees is exactly what a gal needs to clear her mind.

Checking my email for the event address I had also received word that a previous Music Union article of mine commenting on the awkwardness of opera performed in the English language had disturbed the very opera’s maestro so much that after three years of steady production photography employment with the opera program, my services were no longer appreciated. Well it’s a good thing I just quit the highest paying hostess gig in Los Angeles.

Speaking of which, is anyone looking to buy a Cuisinart CMW-100 Stainless Steel microwave?

5930 Franklin Ave. in Hollywood. Sure it was a little strange that they had only sent an address without a venue name, but maybe it’s just one of those posh Hollywood digs that’s so popular that you should just know what it is by the street address. But alas,…

“You have got to be shitting me.” Yes, 5930 Franklin Avenue is home of the Church of Scientology’s Celebrity Centre and Mansion.

I might also mention that at this time I am also willing to part with a two-shelf wall bookcase that is missing the wall fasteners for $10…or best offer.

I struggled for a good 10 minutes as to whether or not I should enter the beast’s lair, go beyond the rod-iron gates, and unlock the mystery of Zoltan or whoever it is that reins high supreme in Scientology.

So many questions unanswered, I thought: Is Tom Cruise really that short? What’s the deal with the volcano on the cover of Dianetics? And what the hell happens after the free stress test???

Eventually I reasoned that I could only be detained on the church grounds long enough for them to realize how poor I am and thus unfit to realize the secrets of the universe, and perhaps someone there was in the market for a TheraPure 3-Speed Ionic Air Purifier, just one year old and at half the price!?!?!

So armed with this rationalization I entered the grounds only to behold the unthinkable. So here it is, a glimpse from beyond the gates. Prepare yourselves for what truly lies beyond:

Yes, the who’s who of ‘Fake It ‘Til You Make It’ is what they’ve been hiding back there, or at least on that fateful night. Video coverage of the World Music and Dance Awards’ red carpet was provided by the Kotton Kandy Girls featured in this photo. KKG TV trains models to speak into a microphone and conduct interviews in gangster accents.

From these wannabees I must exclude Bonnie Pointer of Pointer Sisters fame, who looked better at 60-years old than say, any other person at this award show.

It was not until I had ditched the red carpet though that I got some perspective on significance of this event.

What was it about these young entertainers on the red carpet that left such a disgusting taste in my mouth? Was it them begging for an interview from the Kotton Kandy Girls? Was it their managers hovering just beyond the camera frame making sure that their investments were acting badass enough on camera?

Or maybe it was being exposed to the business side of music and art, a side that is necessary for all artists to succeed, but, as a music fan, made me uncomfortable. The idea of shameless promotion and marketing yourself as the best of the best with only half an album under your belt in order to get funding and support for the other half, was depressing to me, especially as a photographer with zero talent for self-promotion.

I actually enjoyed the performances of most of the unsigned talent who were allotted some stage time before the main event of IYAZ and some mother-daughter tribute to Bonnie Pointer covering “I’m So Excited.”

Maybe it’s the fact that record labels don’t invest in artists and their growth anymore that produces such events like this where musicians dressed in outfits that cost 2-months of rent need to be asked by the Kotton Kandy Girls who the hell they are and what they’re doing there.

I hold dear the three hours spent that night at the Scientology Celebrity Centre and Mansion. I learned nothing of Scientology except that their taste in outdoor landscaping is exquisite, but perhaps I did coincidentally learn more about myself and the unforgivable ways of the world and the art and music industry. Oh, and when I’m dead I’d like my image to be immortalized in a Coke can collage (see below).